Friday, February 13, 2009

Please... Leave my kids alone.

Some while back, I read this post from Kiwords and it never left my mind. I mean, yeah, sometimes it leaves my mind, but I sort of often think about it. Since I have a son and all... and daughters too.

Today at the checkout line in my favorite grocery store, the young and hip male cashier asked my Bear how old she was. "8 and a half" she replied, stressing the "half" part strongly. The tongue peirced bleach blond bagger ooh-ed and ahh-ed in a fakey way and then the bagger and cashier proceeded to tell my impressionable daughter how much she would HATE high school and how much it "SUCKED" (yep, actual word they used...) to have to work in a grocery store and yadda yadda yadda.

After a moment of frozen horror, I said, "Uh, hey - no, really... high school is cool right? I mean, you have different classes and it's FUN... RIGHT???" in such an obvious attempt at getting them to shut their stupid ignorant too-cool-for-you mouths. They quickly picked up the bait but went on to tell my Bear how she could go to Harvard and be a Lawyer as if it were a trip to DisneyWorld.

I could have smacked the both of them. And then washed their mouths out with soap. And then made them go live in a homeless shelter for a week. Idiots.

Also, in that same grocery store, I had a small revelation.

Bear wanted to look at the halloween displays while I perused the meat case looking for something tasty. I agreed, since it was within eyesight. She came back and forth a few times and finally I told her, "Almost done here, stay with me now so we can move on..." and then I went back to weighing out the options of a Pork Roast or some thick chops. When I turned around she had darted off again back to the halloween display. I was annoyed, and having promised myself to reduce my "loud voice" I was going to have to back track and go over to where she was. Then I thought, "Well, it's her fault for running off, what if I just slip into this aisle and wait for her to notice that I'm gone? Surely that will teach her not to wander off without permission!" And I took my self righteous holier than though ass into a side aisle while peeking at her from a rack of potato chips. The problem was that I couldn't really see her from where I was. I could imagine that she was near, but I couldn't actually SEE her. After a moment or two of being annoyed (what? she hasn't come looking for me yet?) I began to worry a little (did she start looking for me all by herself? what if she gets lost!) and I poked my head out of the aisle only to see her intently poking the eyes out of some halloween delight. Grrr... how is THIS going to teach her a lesson? And then the thought popped into my mind that it would take only a second for a stranger to grab her by the arm and hustle her away from me. One second for a predator to walk by her and stroke her shiny hair, or worse, her cute bottom. In one second, every story I'd ever heard about sexual predators and their commonplace every day lives ran through my head. What if that Grandpa man buying a bag of sugar free halloween treats was scoping out my Bear? What if that daddy with his toddler was really on the prowl for a little girl? Lordy did I light out of that aisle and get my Bear back within my own reach. Someone learned a lesson alright. And it wasn't Bear.

Please. Leave my kids alone. They are young, impressionable, innocent, and helpless. Let them stay that way for awhile longer yet. Let them be sweet and silly and safe... there really is a lot of bad stuff out there and I'd like to make sure they don't know about it quite yet.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Bare Bear

it's only fair
that my little bear
receive her share
of blog fanfare...

Bearisms:

Once when Bear was three, we were out in public and someone near us sneezed. I said to Bear, "what do we say when someone sneezes honey?" and she turned to the person and said, "Cover your mouth!"

When Chick had her first real date last year, Bear asked the boy, "What are your inventions with my sister?"

Bear came home from school recently and was upset about an argument she'd had with her best friend at school. I said, "Well, what did you say to her?" Bear replied, "I said, 'I'm takin' you down T, I'm takin' you down'!"

Bear occasionally mimics people. She particularly likes to say, with the perfect eye-roll, "SIGH" just like Chick - it ALWAYS makes us laugh.

Bear often has trouble with names: names of people, names of places, names of things. A few years back we were at a vacation house with lots of family and Bear kept asking, "Where is that guy? Where is that other guy?" And after a lot of questioning she finally said, "you know, the guy in the red jacket?" We looked and pointed asking, "is it him? is it him?" over and over until we saw one 'guy' in a red jacket: her grandfather. So now we often refer to Grampa Manny as "the guy in the red jacket" (he's a 49's fan...)

Bear likes it when we make up stories about her... especially silly goofy UN-true stories. She'll frequently say, in the presence of our pastor or her grandparents or the school principal, things like, "MOM! Tell the story of the time I spit in bank lady's face!" or "DAD! Tell about when I kicked the policeman in his knee!"

No one will forget daddy taking the three kids to the store so Chick could return a bra she had purchased that didn't fit. Bear asks outloud, LOUD, in the middle of the store, "Whats a BRA?". Daddy looks around, points at a display and whispers, "There, THATS a bra." Bear continues, "OHHHH, they're so squishy!"

Yepl That's my bear... keeping things real!