This is me: "Run Chick, Run!"
This is Chick: "He's biting me! On my butt! He's biting *ow* my *ow* butt!"
Me: "Wait, wait, I did it wrong, let me fix it... uh... ok, now, run again, run faster!"
Chick: "C'mon Charlie, c'mon! Let's go! MOM! OW! Zap him, zap him!"
Me: "darn it, the battery isn't working. Shoot. Wait.... hold on... wait... ok GO! Run! Let him bite you again - see if you can get him to bite you.. Go Faster!"
Chick: "Uh, Ok... here we go...Ow! Zap him mo-OW, MOM, zap him!"
Me: "I'm TRYING! Keep running, keep running... oh, never mind!"
Me: "Ya know, maybe this isn't such a good idea, let's put the dog in his crate and I'll fix these batteries ok?"
Chick: "DUH! You Think? I bet you'll blog this won't you?"
*No animals were harmed in this particular incident.
**Note to self: 1) next time, buy name brand batteries and 2) check batteries before encouraging dog to bite child on butt
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Monday, April 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Solitude
Pissy Mood still in effect... however tonight my darling husband took the kids out to a baseball game and let me stay home alone. This is my heaven.
Solitude calls to me the way that a drink calls to an alcoholic, the way a fix calls to a user. Solitude whispers to me even in the dead of night and I wake up longing for it (but too lazy to get out of bed to access it!) I hunger for solitude all the way down in the core of my bones. It hurts.
Since beginning homeschooling my Chick a year and a half ago, solitude is rare - oh, I get out sometimes, with friends, with my husband, and even by myself at times and I always enjoy these diversions. I love spending time with my friends and my date nights with my husband are treasures to me. But time alone, in my house, is what my soul requires. Before schooling Chick, I had all 3 kids in public school. My time was delicious. It was so fulfilling. That time is gone.
Tonight is an appetizer of solitude. First I ran around doing some housework. I actually enjoy cleaning my house (especially when I am charged up on solitude!) I cleaned my kitchen and did the floors in the kitchen, dining, entry, and living rooms. I lit candles and turned off the TV and the computer and just hummed around in a mild state of delirieum. I called a few friends and played chase with the dog. I ran some laundry and then I put on my comfiest jammies and made some tea... and got sidetracked by the wallpaper border I'm trying to scrape off the kids bathroom wall and that kept me busy for a few minutes (the previous owners painted over a border and put up a new border right on top of it... ugh!).
I reheated my tea and sat down here to play with my solitude like a child with a new kids games!
And now, lest my solitude dissapears without my fully enjoying it, I'm off to make a bowl of ice cream and sit down with my new book and watch my pissy mood dissolve in the silence around me.
Solitude calls to me the way that a drink calls to an alcoholic, the way a fix calls to a user. Solitude whispers to me even in the dead of night and I wake up longing for it (but too lazy to get out of bed to access it!) I hunger for solitude all the way down in the core of my bones. It hurts.
Since beginning homeschooling my Chick a year and a half ago, solitude is rare - oh, I get out sometimes, with friends, with my husband, and even by myself at times and I always enjoy these diversions. I love spending time with my friends and my date nights with my husband are treasures to me. But time alone, in my house, is what my soul requires. Before schooling Chick, I had all 3 kids in public school. My time was delicious. It was so fulfilling. That time is gone.
Tonight is an appetizer of solitude. First I ran around doing some housework. I actually enjoy cleaning my house (especially when I am charged up on solitude!) I cleaned my kitchen and did the floors in the kitchen, dining, entry, and living rooms. I lit candles and turned off the TV and the computer and just hummed around in a mild state of delirieum. I called a few friends and played chase with the dog. I ran some laundry and then I put on my comfiest jammies and made some tea... and got sidetracked by the wallpaper border I'm trying to scrape off the kids bathroom wall and that kept me busy for a few minutes (the previous owners painted over a border and put up a new border right on top of it... ugh!).
I reheated my tea and sat down here to play with my solitude like a child with a new kids games!
And now, lest my solitude dissapears without my fully enjoying it, I'm off to make a bowl of ice cream and sit down with my new book and watch my pissy mood dissolve in the silence around me.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Please... Leave my kids alone.
Some while back, I read this post from Kiwords and it never left my mind. I mean, yeah, sometimes it leaves my mind, but I sort of often think about it. Since I have a son and all... and daughters too.
Today at the checkout line in my favorite grocery store, the young and hip male cashier asked my Bear how old she was. "8 and a half" she replied, stressing the "half" part strongly. The tongue peirced bleach blond bagger ooh-ed and ahh-ed in a fakey way and then the bagger and cashier proceeded to tell my impressionable daughter how much she would HATE high school and how much it "SUCKED" (yep, actual word they used...) to have to work in a grocery store and yadda yadda yadda.
After a moment of frozen horror, I said, "Uh, hey - no, really... high school is cool right? I mean, you have different classes and it's FUN... RIGHT???" in such an obvious attempt at getting them to shut their stupid ignorant too-cool-for-you mouths. They quickly picked up the bait but went on to tell my Bear how she could go to Harvard and be a Lawyer as if it were a trip to DisneyWorld.
I could have smacked the both of them. And then washed their mouths out with soap. And then made them go live in a homeless shelter for a week. Idiots.
Also, in that same grocery store, I had a small revelation.
Bear wanted to look at the halloween displays while I perused the meat case looking for something tasty. I agreed, since it was within eyesight. She came back and forth a few times and finally I told her, "Almost done here, stay with me now so we can move on..." and then I went back to weighing out the options of a Pork Roast or some thick chops. When I turned around she had darted off again back to the halloween display. I was annoyed, and having promised myself to reduce my "loud voice" I was going to have to back track and go over to where she was. Then I thought, "Well, it's her fault for running off, what if I just slip into this aisle and wait for her to notice that I'm gone? Surely that will teach her not to wander off without permission!" And I took my self righteous holier than though ass into a side aisle while peeking at her from a rack of potato chips. The problem was that I couldn't really see her from where I was. I could imagine that she was near, but I couldn't actually SEE her. After a moment or two of being annoyed (what? she hasn't come looking for me yet?) I began to worry a little (did she start looking for me all by herself? what if she gets lost!) and I poked my head out of the aisle only to see her intently poking the eyes out of some halloween delight. Grrr... how is THIS going to teach her a lesson? And then the thought popped into my mind that it would take only a second for a stranger to grab her by the arm and hustle her away from me. One second for a predator to walk by her and stroke her shiny hair, or worse, her cute bottom. In one second, every story I'd ever heard about sexual predators and their commonplace every day lives ran through my head. What if that Grandpa man buying a bag of sugar free halloween treats was scoping out my Bear? What if that daddy with his toddler was really on the prowl for a little girl? Lordy did I light out of that aisle and get my Bear back within my own reach. Someone learned a lesson alright. And it wasn't Bear.
Please. Leave my kids alone. They are young, impressionable, innocent, and helpless. Let them stay that way for awhile longer yet. Let them be sweet and silly and safe... there really is a lot of bad stuff out there and I'd like to make sure they don't know about it quite yet.
Today at the checkout line in my favorite grocery store, the young and hip male cashier asked my Bear how old she was. "8 and a half" she replied, stressing the "half" part strongly. The tongue peirced bleach blond bagger ooh-ed and ahh-ed in a fakey way and then the bagger and cashier proceeded to tell my impressionable daughter how much she would HATE high school and how much it "SUCKED" (yep, actual word they used...) to have to work in a grocery store and yadda yadda yadda.
After a moment of frozen horror, I said, "Uh, hey - no, really... high school is cool right? I mean, you have different classes and it's FUN... RIGHT???" in such an obvious attempt at getting them to shut their stupid ignorant too-cool-for-you mouths. They quickly picked up the bait but went on to tell my Bear how she could go to Harvard and be a Lawyer as if it were a trip to DisneyWorld.
I could have smacked the both of them. And then washed their mouths out with soap. And then made them go live in a homeless shelter for a week. Idiots.
Also, in that same grocery store, I had a small revelation.
Bear wanted to look at the halloween displays while I perused the meat case looking for something tasty. I agreed, since it was within eyesight. She came back and forth a few times and finally I told her, "Almost done here, stay with me now so we can move on..." and then I went back to weighing out the options of a Pork Roast or some thick chops. When I turned around she had darted off again back to the halloween display. I was annoyed, and having promised myself to reduce my "loud voice" I was going to have to back track and go over to where she was. Then I thought, "Well, it's her fault for running off, what if I just slip into this aisle and wait for her to notice that I'm gone? Surely that will teach her not to wander off without permission!" And I took my self righteous holier than though ass into a side aisle while peeking at her from a rack of potato chips. The problem was that I couldn't really see her from where I was. I could imagine that she was near, but I couldn't actually SEE her. After a moment or two of being annoyed (what? she hasn't come looking for me yet?) I began to worry a little (did she start looking for me all by herself? what if she gets lost!) and I poked my head out of the aisle only to see her intently poking the eyes out of some halloween delight. Grrr... how is THIS going to teach her a lesson? And then the thought popped into my mind that it would take only a second for a stranger to grab her by the arm and hustle her away from me. One second for a predator to walk by her and stroke her shiny hair, or worse, her cute bottom. In one second, every story I'd ever heard about sexual predators and their commonplace every day lives ran through my head. What if that Grandpa man buying a bag of sugar free halloween treats was scoping out my Bear? What if that daddy with his toddler was really on the prowl for a little girl? Lordy did I light out of that aisle and get my Bear back within my own reach. Someone learned a lesson alright. And it wasn't Bear.
Please. Leave my kids alone. They are young, impressionable, innocent, and helpless. Let them stay that way for awhile longer yet. Let them be sweet and silly and safe... there really is a lot of bad stuff out there and I'd like to make sure they don't know about it quite yet.
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