Secrets Unveiled!

Ok, seriously, there must be a lot of bloggers that golf cuz that was a pretty popular guess... but I assure you, I am NOT a golfer, unless mini-golfing with the kids counts. And, what's the deal with a lawn ornament championship? This is either a very funny joke that I'm just too blond to get or it's a serious sport, like curling, and I just haven't discovered it yet. I'm banking on the blond thing... even though I'm a brunette. I do have blond giggle... but that's not what you want to hear about it is it? You wanna know The Secret don't you? Well, I'll tell you that Katherine, Blurbette, and Colleen all came very close. Do I have to tell you more?

Ohhhkay! I'll tell... (I told you I can't keep a secret!)

Hubby and I are flying out East for a 4 day weekend. He will spend some time chatting with his old boss (did I tell you the job was still open after a year?) and we already have an appointment with our old realtor to view available homes. In the meantime, a lawn service will come and tidy up our yard, weed and mulch and mow and prune in anticipation of a " For Sale " sign going up. I even hired MerryMaids to come in and do a super duper attention to detail kind of clean up for me. Tonight we spoke to a realtor here and got an idea of what we can get for our house here, how long it will take, and what we might need to do to spruce it up a little. A brief aside: she was flippin' brutal! I cried afterward! Sheesh...

We've told the kids. Told them that our other family was leaving town and we had a decision to make and we were considering moving back to our old town. Bears first reaction was a humongous grin and sparkling eyes and saying, "oh! I can see Tee again!" Tee is her best friend and she has missed her nearly every day for the past year. Buddy was both excited, but struck with grief. He did cry, and tried hard to suck it up, but is now actually wanting to move. Chick, at nearly 16, was hard. She has just really finally settled in here and has friends and connections. She too was really sad, but also saw the benefit of going back to old friends and such. All in all... everyone is ready. David told me that although we will not make an official decision until after we come back from our 4 day whirlwind trip, we can probably count on just doing this.

I can't wait to see my friend Karen - we'll stay with her for our weekend there and I sure hope she'll make some of her awesome meatballs and sauce! I hope we can find a house... we did get incredibly good airfare though so that must count as good luck in some way right?

Anyway - you must keep my secret for me cuz I still can't tell my boss or my co-workers or my aunt and cousins yet. I'm so glad I could tell you because honestly, I was gonna explode!

Now I'm off to spend the weekend cleaning closets and cabinets and figuring out what needs to go into storage so the house looks spare and tidy for potential buyers... blech.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Straddling The Line (on Wednesday night)


1. I still have a secret, I still have a secret! I'm thinking that Friday feels like a good day to spill my guts... yeah, Friday makes a good "Secrets Unveiled" day... will you come back?
2. I just watched The Biggest Loser. I'm a Loser virgin... I liked it. I hated one of the trainers though. I would have beat her up and then quit. I wonder if they hook you up with someone who you hate or someone who you love? But my husband and I then discussed our own weight and how to be losers... we do have goals... and it would be nice if our goals and our secret all came together!
3. There is some talk about Desperate Housewives and how Gabby kissing Lynnettes husband was either wrong or just plain fun. If I were Lynnette I would have kicked Gabby's skinny skanky ass all over my kitchen. Then I would have made her a pot of tea and talked about it. Then I would have kicked my husbands ass all over the whole house. Really... shouldn't HE take a little responsibility for it?
4. Stupid Parenting Choice of the Day goes to... ME. I let Chick go to the big city with her 3 friends and a mom. But they didnt' leave until 5:30 pm which means they didn't get there until 8 pm and when she called to check in at 9 pm they were just leaving the marketplace for dinner and would be on their way after that... I'm guessing she'll be home at midnight. Tomorrow will be a looooooong day at work I'm thinking.
5. Tonight I cried over something. When did you last cry? Lately I've been doing a lot of it. Unfortunately, I am not a pretty crier. I don't get all pale and wan with big sad wet eyes and full quivering lips. I get bulbous red nose and blotchy neck and swollen eyelids... I get snot all over and then a migraine. I'm so fun, I tell ya!
6. 27 days of rain... but yet today the sun broke through and I couldn't believe how light I felt afterwards... it was all of 30 minutes but it was so glorious! Changed my whole entire attitude and demeanor. I opened all the blinds and that sun just streamed in and shined on all my damn dusty furniture. Sigh...
7. I read all the TT blogroll this week. It took me 3 days, and I only commented on about 1/2 of them (it's delurker week! woo hoo!) Oddly, I tend to read from the bottom up... what does that say about me? Huh.
8. 5 weird things: I listen to the same cd over and over and over for weeks until I get bored. I listen to the same song over and over and over for days until I get bored. I like A1 sauce on my baked potato. I have texture issues with food and there are a lot of things that taste good to me but that I can't eat because the texture is off... and if I am thinking about it too much then ANYthing will make me gag. And finally, when I'm driving, I can't put my seat belt on until AFTER I've started actually accelerating in a forward motion. I can't... really...
9. Should that count as 8-12? No? Yes? Oh well... I saw someones blog had a personality test: which "happy bunny" are you... I took it... not so happy apparently. Oh well... I'll take it again another day.
10. I still can't believe I haven't told you my secret yet! Want another clue? I'll tell the secret on Friday... how's that for a clue?
11. I get to go to lunch with my husband today... I'm so looking forward to Chicken Souvlaki, but mostly I'm looking forward to the chance to make my husband smile, laugh, and look at me with happiness in his eyes.
12. Today I told a client that I may need to call CPS on her. It was so hard to do... so hard to tell her that I could and that I would. I see her next week again. Oh I do NOT want to have to make that call...
13. This is my 7th TT... am I a regular? Please remember that it's de lurking week - comment, it won't hurt I promise!


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Secrets (and a hint...or two...)

*whispering* Shhhhh... I have a secret, I have a secret! Not gonna tell you, not gonna tell you!


Oy! Secrets are soooo hard for me to keep. Especially if they might actually impact the people I am keeping secrets from. I so badly want to say, "Hey! Listen to this!" Not that I'd tell secrets that someone else told me, but if it's just, say, news or a decision I've made that needs some time... it's so hard.

Like when I was pregnant? Everyone knew as soon as we knew. Everyone!

Do you want a hint? I mean, I do really have a secret...it's not just a random post.

No? OH, yes? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you correctly... my speakers aren't working.

Ok, get close now cuz I'm going to whisper the hints:

1. it involves lawn service

Thats all you get for now. Any guesses? I don't know how long I can keep a secret like this! Maybe I'll post more hints later. It sort of eases the pressure of keeping the secret y'know?

Geez, that was a lame hint tho' don't you think? Maybe one more... ummm... let's see...

2. it involves a 4 day weekend

Oooh, how about that one? Cryptic eh?

What do YOU think my secret is?

UPDATE: Nope... no golfing! Blech! One more hint? I bet if you read my a few past posts, you might be able to figure it out... and THAT's the last hint for today. Secret Unveiling Soon!

Lalalalalala...I caaaaan't hear yooooo!

Today I had to, again, separate my daughter and her "friend" from each other. At 15, they are not boyfriend/girlfriend, but the amount of physical touching has recently escalated from innocent sitting close to each other or jabbing/tickling each other to... a whole other thing. Though I've asked them before, jokingly and lightly, to ease up, today was.... disturbing. My husband needed a valium! After Kitty-boy (don't ask) left, I took her aside and we had the following conversation:

Me: If I have one or two puffs off a cigarette once or twice a week, can I say I am a NON-smoker?

Chick: NO! *laughing* geez, are you smoking now? (she's a smartass like that)

Me: No! Listen, if I have a few big gulps of a drink a couple times a week can I say I'm technically NOT a drinker?

Chick: NO! Like, a drink is a drink! (rolling of eyes and said with a *duh)

Me: Well, if you and Kitty-boy are ONLY holding hands or wrapping your arms around each other and laying all over each other, can I say that you ARE sexually active?

Chick: WHAT?! GOD! Mom! NOOOOO! (horrified! eyes wide, mouth agape...)

Me: ok, wait, now listen... no, seriously! Look...

and I went on to discuss that their physical contact was A) disturbing to watch and B) it blurred the line between sex and non sex and C) it blurred the line between friends and 'more than friends' and also we talked about the difficulties for boys and hormones and self control and that it may be misleading to Kitty-boy and yadda yadda yadda.

I hope I hit all the important points. I realized though that I can't get by with just teaching about sex, about the mechanics of it, and about morals, but that I have to teach the mechanics of friendships and relationships. I have to teach the difference between boys and girls and I'm not talking about p*nis and v*g*na... but about hormones and drawing lines and crossing lines and love and hope and hurt and desire... and I have to know she will make mistakes, and she will draw lines and erase lines and cross lines and love and hurt and all I can do is turn on a few lights along her path and wait nearby with a hug.

Boy, this parenting stuff is hard.

Ooof, I need a drink (not that I'm a 'drinker'...)

yeah, finally exams are done.

and i'm going, "Hmm.. what shall i do now?"

[RealOne Player : Petey Pablo - Freak-a-leek]

give it an ear. i love club bangers.

fix, I checked out CSS's webbie again.

and all my assumptions are correct. confirmed.

aight. nu'in to say. peace.

feeling Dilated People.

okay, so someone's whining the handphone bill is still a handful outstanding balance.

i'll keep it the bill down, provided you can have an ear operation, dad.

how ironic, not long ago dad teased me of my dirty ears.

now, he got retributed by getting deaf, err... half deaf.

and they claim i MUMBLE.

hmm..

so i have Design and Technology paper left.

the pure sciences people get extra day off. we have to come back tomorrow.

and i'm so lucky i didn't take pure humanities. huahuahua.

will be having another pool session. i will be looking forward killing hamzah off with the black ball again. and maybe straight wins?

dad: "baru habis periksa ni, nanti ada periksa BESAR(he emphasized this word).."

he meant, you just completed your exams but there'll be a BIG exam coming.

O-LEVELS he mean.

there goes the deaf guy.

[RealOne Player : Coldplay - Clocks]

reminded me of the chalet. Loved it.

Making Somebody Happy Is Never Wrong

Bush does not make me happy.
Powell does not make me happy.
And certainly, Rush Limbaugh does not make me happy.

And, it is all about making Kate happy.
So, using simple geometric equations, Bush, Powell, and Limbaugh are wrong.

Police Blotter (todays top news)

Police were called to the Xth block of Jingleheimer Street tonight after neighbors reported "upsetting" activity at the home of Mrs. D.

Anonymous reporters identified seeing Mrs. D of "O" Jingleheimer Street through her front window at about 4:43 pm. She appeared to be jumping up and down and waving her arms in "a wild and weird way - like, totally agressive and freaky" claimed one neighbor. "We were frightened for her children!" said another. A third told our reporters that the scene was, "ugly, just ugly!"

Police appeared and spoke to Mrs. D who appeared breathless and looked disheveled according to an unnamed officer.

Ultimately it was discovered that she had been playing Twister Moves with her young children. She was asked to either refrain, or to close her window blinds next time. Mrs. D agreed to comply. She was not cited... this time.

*the above story is completely ficticious and any references to real or fake people are entirely intentional...

Russian jokes translated to English

Pooh and Piglet are on the way to get some honey carrying the balloon and the gun. Here's the plan: Winnie flies to the bees' hollow on the balloon and takes some honey, then Piglet shoots the balloon and Winnie comes back to the earth. Suddenly Winnie stumbles over a tree root and accidentally shoots Piglet right in the mouth. Teeth are out and cheeks are torn.
- What are you laughing at, stupid pig? I'm almost deaf now!

The next one isn't really mine. I saw the translation long time ago. I was really amused and the punch line carved into my mind. I couldn't find the original translation so this is my reconstruction of it.

There are Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in the boat. Winnie is rowing and Piglet is sleeping.
Winnie is tired.
Piglet is sleeping.
Winnie becomes angry.
Piglet is sleeping.
Finally, Winnie can't stand slapping Piglet with the oar.
- Uh! Ah! What? - torn out of his dreams Piglet is disoriented.
- What's the matter, pig? Can't sleep? Do some rowing then!

After some discussion we've figured out that the best punch line for worm joke would be "He's gone fishing"
Thanks to markusn

Small worm asks his mother:
- Mom, where is dad?
- He's fishing with the guys.

Read more on http://caffeinatedpress.blogspot.com/

TO BE 6 AGAIN

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, Observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked What she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still Looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, Made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags Theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... Everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he Ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression Suddenly changed.

I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass !!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

Funny Pictures

See more funny pictures on http://crazyfuns.ru/