Shit Notes

The Post That Chick Wants Me to Write

2009-04-20T10:58:00.000-06:00

This is me: "Run Chick, Run!"
This is Chick: "He's biting me! On my butt! He's biting *ow* my *ow* butt!"

Me: "Wait, wait, I did it wrong, let me fix it... uh... ok, now, run again, run faster!"
Chick: "C'mon Charlie, c'mon! Let's go! MOM! OW! Zap him, zap him!"

Me: "darn it, the battery isn't working. Shoot. Wait.... hold on... wait... ok GO! Run! Let him bite you again - see if you can get him to bite you.. Go Faster!"
Chick: "Uh, Ok... here we go...Ow! Zap him mo-OW, MOM, zap him!"
Me: "I'm TRYING! Keep running, keep running... oh, never mind!"

Me: "Ya know, maybe this isn't such a good idea, let's put the dog in his crate and I'll fix these batteries ok?"
Chick: "DUH! You Think? I bet you'll blog this won't you?"

*No animals were harmed in this particular incident.
**Note to self: 1) next time, buy name brand batteries and 2) check batteries before encouraging dog to bite child on butt

Solitude

2009-04-15T00:33:00.001-06:00

Pissy Mood still in effect... however tonight my darling husband took the kids out to a baseball game and let me stay home alone. This is my heaven.

Solitude calls to me the way that a drink calls to an alcoholic, the way a fix calls to a user. Solitude whispers to me even in the dead of night and I wake up longing for it (but too lazy to get out of bed to access it!) I hunger for solitude all the way down in the core of my bones. It hurts.

Since beginning homeschooling my Chick a year and a half ago, solitude is rare - oh, I get out sometimes, with friends, with my husband, and even by myself at times and I always enjoy these diversions. I love spending time with my friends and my date nights with my husband are treasures to me. But time alone, in my house, is what my soul requires. Before schooling Chick, I had all 3 kids in public school. My time was delicious. It was so fulfilling. That time is gone.

Tonight is an appetizer of solitude. First I ran around doing some housework. I actually enjoy cleaning my house (especially when I am charged up on solitude!) I cleaned my kitchen and did the floors in the kitchen, dining, entry, and living rooms. I lit candles and turned off the TV and the computer and just hummed around in a mild state of delirieum. I called a few friends and played chase with the dog. I ran some laundry and then I put on my comfiest jammies and made some tea... and got sidetracked by the wallpaper border I'm trying to scrape off the kids bathroom wall and that kept me busy for a few minutes (the previous owners painted over a border and put up a new border right on top of it... ugh!).

I reheated my tea and sat down here to play with my solitude like a child with a new kids games!

And now, lest my solitude dissapears without my fully enjoying it, I'm off to make a bowl of ice cream and sit down with my new book and watch my pissy mood dissolve in the silence around me.

Awakening

2009-03-23T01:37:00.000-06:00

Some days I awaken slowly. Stretching tip to toe and creaking and popping painfully. My mind wonders, "will today be any different? Will I drink a pot of coffee in cup after cup of cold forgotten-ness? Will I shuffle from one chore to the next debating over how badly it really needs doing? Will I look at my to do list with knots of anxiety, planning out how much longer I can make it before really having to go make that bank deposit/pick up milk?" Then I roll over and decide to get out of bed, decide to move, decide to see what happens.

Today I noticed the sun was shining and I didn't hear fat plops and whispers of rain, but the cheerful persistant call of birds. Today I stretched and creaked and popped my way downstairs to see my clean clean kitchen and shiny smooth floors, to see sunlight streaming through the pure white bow tied curtains at my window and the velvet scarlet of my rhododendrons outside. Today I poured my coffee and tasted the rich bitterness of it, hot and sweet in my mouth. Today I smelled the freshness of the morning when I fed my dog and we were both a little happier. Today I started laundry before I even drank my first cup of coffee and my day is already awake and going and I feel... unscared, unanxious, undark. I feel peaceful, reverent, easy and light. I feel the warmth of the sun on my back and it is good.

Today I will not worry about how long this peace will last, if it will carry me through the day or just until noon. Today I will not worry about tomorrow. Today I will not worry, but simply enjoy each moment that presents itself until that moment passes. And if the next moment brings back fear and anxiety, darkness or the sluggish immobility that comes with it, then I will accept that for what it is and wait for the next awakening.

Please... Leave my kids alone.

2009-02-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

Some while back, I read this post from Kiwords and it never left my mind. I mean, yeah, sometimes it leaves my mind, but I sort of often think about it. Since I have a son and all... and daughters too.

Today at the checkout line in my favorite grocery store, the young and hip male cashier asked my Bear how old she was. "8 and a half" she replied, stressing the "half" part strongly. The tongue peirced bleach blond bagger ooh-ed and ahh-ed in a fakey way and then the bagger and cashier proceeded to tell my impressionable daughter how much she would HATE high school and how much it "SUCKED" (yep, actual word they used...) to have to work in a grocery store and yadda yadda yadda.

After a moment of frozen horror, I said, "Uh, hey - no, really... high school is cool right? I mean, you have different classes and it's FUN... RIGHT???" in such an obvious attempt at getting them to shut their stupid ignorant too-cool-for-you mouths. They quickly picked up the bait but went on to tell my Bear how she could go to Harvard and be a Lawyer as if it were a trip to DisneyWorld.

I could have smacked the both of them. And then washed their mouths out with soap. And then made them go live in a homeless shelter for a week. Idiots.

Also, in that same grocery store, I had a small revelation.

Bear wanted to look at the halloween displays while I perused the meat case looking for something tasty. I agreed, since it was within eyesight. She came back and forth a few times and finally I told her, "Almost done here, stay with me now so we can move on..." and then I went back to weighing out the options of a Pork Roast or some thick chops. When I turned around she had darted off again back to the halloween display. I was annoyed, and having promised myself to reduce my "loud voice" I was going to have to back track and go over to where she was. Then I thought, "Well, it's her fault for running off, what if I just slip into this aisle and wait for her to notice that I'm gone? Surely that will teach her not to wander off without permission!" And I took my self righteous holier than though ass into a side aisle while peeking at her from a rack of potato chips. The problem was that I couldn't really see her from where I was. I could imagine that she was near, but I couldn't actually SEE her. After a moment or two of being annoyed (what? she hasn't come looking for me yet?) I began to worry a little (did she start looking for me all by herself? what if she gets lost!) and I poked my head out of the aisle only to see her intently poking the eyes out of some halloween delight. Grrr... how is THIS going to teach her a lesson? And then the thought popped into my mind that it would take only a second for a stranger to grab her by the arm and hustle her away from me. One second for a predator to walk by her and stroke her shiny hair, or worse, her cute bottom. In one second, every story I'd ever heard about sexual predators and their commonplace every day lives ran through my head. What if that Grandpa man buying a bag of sugar free halloween treats was scoping out my Bear? What if that daddy with his toddler was really on the prowl for a little girl? Lordy did I light out of that aisle and get my Bear back within my own reach. Someone learned a lesson alright. And it wasn't Bear.

Please. Leave my kids alone. They are young, impressionable, innocent, and helpless. Let them stay that way for awhile longer yet. Let them be sweet and silly and safe... there really is a lot of bad stuff out there and I'd like to make sure they don't know about it quite yet.

Bare Bear

2009-02-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

it's only fair
that my little bear
receive her share
of blog fanfare...

Bearisms:

Once when Bear was three, we were out in public and someone near us sneezed. I said to Bear, "what do we say when someone sneezes honey?" and she turned to the person and said, "Cover your mouth!"

When Chick had her first real date last year, Bear asked the boy, "What are your inventions with my sister?"

Bear came home from school recently and was upset about an argument she'd had with her best friend at school. I said, "Well, what did you say to her?" Bear replied, "I said, 'I'm takin' you down T, I'm takin' you down'!"

Bear occasionally mimics people. She particularly likes to say, with the perfect eye-roll, "SIGH" just like Chick - it ALWAYS makes us laugh.

Bear often has trouble with names: names of people, names of places, names of things. A few years back we were at a vacation house with lots of family and Bear kept asking, "Where is that guy? Where is that other guy?" And after a lot of questioning she finally said, "you know, the guy in the red jacket?" We looked and pointed asking, "is it him? is it him?" over and over until we saw one 'guy' in a red jacket: her grandfather. So now we often refer to Grampa Manny as "the guy in the red jacket" (he's a 49's fan...)

Bear likes it when we make up stories about her... especially silly goofy UN-true stories. She'll frequently say, in the presence of our pastor or her grandparents or the school principal, things like, "MOM! Tell the story of the time I spit in bank lady's face!" or "DAD! Tell about when I kicked the policeman in his knee!"

No one will forget daddy taking the three kids to the store so Chick could return a bra she had purchased that didn't fit. Bear asks outloud, LOUD, in the middle of the store, "Whats a BRA?". Daddy looks around, points at a display and whispers, "There, THATS a bra." Bear continues, "OHHHH, they're so squishy!"

Yepl That's my bear... keeping things real!

The Secret of The Peaceful Warrior

2009-01-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight my husband read this book to our kids. I didn't really listen as I was working on making lunches and drinking wine - you know, the important things - but later on I sat and read through the book. It was totally lovely! I can't say what I liked more; the book, or the thought of my big bear husband reading it to our littlest ones. *insert happy contented sigh and wipe away a tender tear...

In other news...

Today I made the decision to turn down an offer of money. Uh, sometimes known as a job. Yep. Thats right, I turned down a job. A job, I should mention, that I need, that I wanted, and that I would be perfect for. Ok, go back and read the last 5 words of that last sentence... "i. would. be. perfect. for." Can you see where the error lies? See, I would be the perfect person for 'that job', but 'that job' is not the perfect job for me. I can't even explain all the emotions involved in turning down an job. I need the income - my family and I need the income. I would most likely love the job. It's work I've done before. How could I actually turn down an opportunity like this? I'll give you three reasons why this job won't work: Chick, Buddy, and Bear.

Ok. I'll admit, I've been a bit spoiled. I have not worked much since I've had kids. I spent plenty of time whining about the last job I had which was a whopping 24 hours a week of very very flexible and accomodating hours. But still - the whole working mom thing was way beyond me. I'd only ever worked MY hours at MY convenience at MY whim doing doula work and to be committed to 24 hours a week of real live office and paperwork job was pretty daunting. I mean, when could I find time to scrub the toilets AND blog in addition to work? But seriously, that 24 hours was a blessing and a joy as well as a trial. I know I need to work now that we've done this whole cross country move thing twice in less than 2 years... but the job I turned down was a solid no frills no flexibility 40 hours a week. My husband said, " uh... hmmm. I have some serious reservations..." God, bless that man doubly okay? I would have taken the job out of guilt and a sense of responsibility. I would have committed my children to the care of strangers and been willing to increase my Xanax consumption... but my husband (fortunately!!!!) is far more rational! So... I turned down a job. This has only happened one other time. I was a single mom and the job paid something like $5.25 an hour for 20 hours a week. Daycare was a whopping $125 a week... uh... wait... even I could figure out that it was a wash! The unemployement office raked me over the coals but eventually I found other work. See, I will work, I want to work, I'm willing to do what it takes - but I don't do "stupid" either. So, today I turned down a job. It still sounds bad no matter how I justify it.

The Weekend

2009-01-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Well.

I'm just not sure what else to say.

I'm fairly speechless although there is so much turmoil within that I don't know how I can NOT blog. Been there?

Do I blog about the experience of babysitting my best friends little boy who has autism? I am endlessly honored that she would trust me with her precious precious boy. I am frightened enough to leave my different little Bear with people that I can only imagine how much she fretted and worried over him while she was away. I felt so blessed to be the one she could ask. Little man is 8, and can mostly ask for the things he needs or wants but he also requires nearly constant attention. By Saturday's end, when I knew that K was only 15 minutes away, I was nearly in tears with relief that she'd be there soon, but also overwhelmed by guilt that this was something she experiences every. single. day. I had little man for 9 hours. 9 long hours of trying to just do the daily stuff I do on a sunny Saturday but not lose her son or allow him to destroy my house or hurt himself all at the same time. K is amazing. I always knew it, but now I KNOW it.

Do I blog about the mom of one of Buddy's teammates? The mom who whined the entire. stinking. game. about how her son was better as a pitcher than a catcher, that he was being wasted as a catcher. That if the coach thought her son was going to catch for 3 innings and then pitch that the coach had another think coming cuz her son wasn't going to ruin his arm by catching every ball and throwing every ball back to the pitcher only to then pitch an entire inning. The dad of the kid yelled at him the whole game. "Throw it D! Throw it! Don't hesitate!" "C'mon D! Throw it!" yadda yadda yadda. Did I tell you that these kids are 9 and 10? For some kids it is their first year in Jr. Little League, just coming up out of the Farm League. When she wasn't complaining about her son catching instead of pitching, she was critiquing every other kid. "bend your knees! Bend, bend!" "Raise that bat! Up, up, up!" "He doesn't know what he's doing! Why's he playing that position?" But she did it so that only the people surrounding her could hear. The dad would pace and smoke and yell at his son. ARGH! Next time I seriously need to sit FAR away from them. Far FAR away. My husband had to tell me more than once to lower MY voice, because I was quite getting fed up with those two! By the way, my buddy pitched almost 3 full innings and then caught for the last 2. He did a damn good job! He wasn't perfect, wasn't outstanding or awesome but he was damn good! He pitched once or twice last year and had only caught once so he was pretty new at the whole thing. He did us proud!

Do I blog about how this evening, between 7:40 and 8:00 pm, while I was finishing up tidying the upstairs and checking email, my Chick had her heart broken? Do I tell you that the person she loves cheated on her then told her about it and dumped her? Or do I tell you about the rage I feel that someone would so callously use my girl, and that my girl would cry and cry and cry but still refuse to actually be angry at that lying cheating two timing shit hole? I'm now angry at the lying cheating two timing shit hole AND my Chick. I did not raise her to sit around and let someone else use her like that! How could she not be furious? How could she not tell that person to go take a flying leap? Why?

So.

That was it.

My crazy weekend. It's a serene looking background here at STL, but my life is anything but.

a simple meme... 10 simple pleasures...

2008-11-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

I saw this on "Collecting My Thoughts" by Norma and thought I'd give it a shot. Here are 10 very very simple things that make my life slightly easier or bring me a little bit of pleasure -

1. splurging on Seattles Best ground coffee so I can have a good cuppa every day (and occasionally buying a sample size bag of flavored coffee for a Sunday morning special!).

2. Republic of Tea in Ginger Peach.

3. Alka Seltzer Gold (I have issues with portions control...ASG helps me out every so often)

4. Having really cute plastic tumblers with little blue and gold fishies on them for summer time

5. Seeing my kids get wiggly-excited and wave happily when I pull up into the car pool pickup line.

6. Sitting at the dinner table with my family and doing the "what was the best part of your day" routine.

7. The way my house looks and smells after dusting and vacuuming.

8. Driving with my window open.

9. Curling under a fleece blanket on top of my down comforter and taking a little nap with the bedroom window open a crack for fresh air.

10. Petting my cat.

and one more for fun, just cuz it makes me smile to do this...

11. Taking a shower with the lights off and just a dim glow from the bedroom light... very soothing!

Hold me back, I just can't stop!

12. The smell of fresh cut grass.

13. The smell of the summer air at 5 am when you go out to water your flowers or garden bed: wet warm soil, cool crisp air, the scent of the heat to come...

14. Kissing Bears round soft freckled cheek - it's luscious.

15. Holding hands with my husband.

16. Reaching out my foot in the middle of the night to feel my husbands feet - a little "sole" connection just for the sake of being able to.

17. A hot shower

18. Cool fresh clean sheets on the bed

19. Laughing with my daughter.

20. Resting after working hard, feeling good about both things.

Do you make your bed? Everyday?

2008-11-08T01:03:00.000-07:00

I was running around this morning making the kids' beds and I was wondering why I bothered. If I let them make their own beds, which I do most days, I end up in there to straighten them out anyway. Both Buddy and Bear seem to kick the top sheet all down to the bottom of the bed and then when they remake it, they leave that top sheet all crunched up and hanging out at the bottom. Buddy is as likely as not to leave dirty clothes under the blankets too. And Bears bed will have two million beanies and stuffed animals and books all spread underneath. Chick only makes her bed when I make her do it because we have company coming. Her bed is such a nest of multiple pillows, fleece blankies and a folded-in-half-queen-down-comforter that it doesn't really look any different when it's made than when it's unmade. So, since she mostly keeps her door shut and lives in the celler anyway, I give her more leeway. But Bear and Buddy... their beds I keep tabs on.

My friend Karen gives me a hard time about the fact that I make my kids have top sheets anyway. She said she doesn't bother because her kids just kick them down to the bottom also. So why do I keep using one? I dunno. It just seems so uncivilized to NOT have a top sheet. Not that my kids are civilized by any means but hey, we make up for it with top sheets. My bed? Oh. Well. See, that's different. Sort of. I do make it but I have a method. I fluff it all and pull the bottom sheet nice and taut, but I fold back the comforter and top sheet all the way in half down to the bottom of the bed. Then the pillows get all plumped and arranged and I think it looks so inviting that way. Sometimes I make it all the way... like when company is coming, but this way the bed also gets all aired out and seems fresh each day. Try it, you might like it!

So what about you? Do you use top sheets? Make your bed everyday? Sleep with your dog (ewww, sorry but...yukk!)? C'mon, spill...

Secrets Unveiled!

2008-07-09T21:30:00.000-06:00

Ok, seriously, there must be a lot of bloggers that golf cuz that was a pretty popular guess... but I assure you, I am NOT a golfer, unless mini-golfing with the kids counts. And, what's the deal with a lawn ornament championship? This is either a very funny joke that I'm just too blond to get or it's a serious sport, like curling, and I just haven't discovered it yet. I'm banking on the blond thing... even though I'm a brunette. I do have blond giggle... but that's not what you want to hear about it is it? You wanna know The Secret don't you? Well, I'll tell you that Katherine, Blurbette, and Colleen all came very close. Do I have to tell you more?

Ohhhkay! I'll tell... (I told you I can't keep a secret!)

Hubby and I are flying out East for a 4 day weekend. He will spend some time chatting with his old boss (did I tell you the job was still open after a year?) and we already have an appointment with our old realtor to view available homes. In the meantime, a lawn service will come and tidy up our yard, weed and mulch and mow and prune in anticipation of a " For Sale " sign going up. I even hired MerryMaids to come in and do a super duper attention to detail kind of clean up for me. Tonight we spoke to a realtor here and got an idea of what we can get for our house here, how long it will take, and what we might need to do to spruce it up a little. A brief aside: she was flippin' brutal! I cried afterward! Sheesh...

We've told the kids. Told them that our other family was leaving town and we had a decision to make and we were considering moving back to our old town. Bears first reaction was a humongous grin and sparkling eyes and saying, "oh! I can see Tee again!" Tee is her best friend and she has missed her nearly every day for the past year. Buddy was both excited, but struck with grief. He did cry, and tried hard to suck it up, but is now actually wanting to move. Chick, at nearly 16, was hard. She has just really finally settled in here and has friends and connections. She too was really sad, but also saw the benefit of going back to old friends and such. All in all... everyone is ready. David told me that although we will not make an official decision until after we come back from our 4 day whirlwind trip, we can probably count on just doing this.

I can't wait to see my friend Karen - we'll stay with her for our weekend there and I sure hope she'll make some of her awesome meatballs and sauce! I hope we can find a house... we did get incredibly good airfare though so that must count as good luck in some way right?

Anyway - you must keep my secret for me cuz I still can't tell my boss or my co-workers or my aunt and cousins yet. I'm so glad I could tell you because honestly, I was gonna explode!

Now I'm off to spend the weekend cleaning closets and cabinets and figuring out what needs to go into storage so the house looks spare and tidy for potential buyers... blech.

Thursday Thirteen

2008-06-30T01:09:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Things about Straddling The Line (on Wednesday night)

1. I still have a secret, I still have a secret! I'm thinking that Friday feels like a good day to spill my guts... yeah, Friday makes a good "Secrets Unveiled" day... will you come back?
2. I just watched The Biggest Loser. I'm a Loser virgin... I liked it. I hated one of the trainers though. I would have beat her up and then quit. I wonder if they hook you up with someone who you hate or someone who you love? But my husband and I then discussed our own weight and how to be losers... we do have goals... and it would be nice if our goals and our secret all came together!
3. There is some talk about Desperate Housewives and how Gabby kissing Lynnettes husband was either wrong or just plain fun. If I were Lynnette I would have kicked Gabby's skinny skanky ass all over my kitchen. Then I would have made her a pot of tea and talked about it. Then I would have kicked my husbands ass all over the whole house. Really... shouldn't HE take a little responsibility for it?
4. Stupid Parenting Choice of the Day goes to... ME. I let Chick go to the big city with her 3 friends and a mom. But they didnt' leave until 5:30 pm which means they didn't get there until 8 pm and when she called to check in at 9 pm they were just leaving the marketplace for dinner and would be on their way after that... I'm guessing she'll be home at midnight. Tomorrow will be a looooooong day at work I'm thinking.
5. Tonight I cried over something. When did you last cry? Lately I've been doing a lot of it. Unfortunately, I am not a pretty crier. I don't get all pale and wan with big sad wet eyes and full quivering lips. I get bulbous red nose and blotchy neck and swollen eyelids... I get snot all over and then a migraine. I'm so fun, I tell ya!
6. 27 days of rain... but yet today the sun broke through and I couldn't believe how light I felt afterwards... it was all of 30 minutes but it was so glorious! Changed my whole entire attitude and demeanor. I opened all the blinds and that sun just streamed in and shined on all my damn dusty furniture. Sigh...
7. I read all the TT blogroll this week. It took me 3 days, and I only commented on about 1/2 of them (it's delurker week! woo hoo!) Oddly, I tend to read from the bottom up... what does that say about me? Huh.
8. 5 weird things: I listen to the same cd over and over and over for weeks until I get bored. I listen to the same song over and over and over for days until I get bored. I like A1 sauce on my baked potato. I have texture issues with food and there are a lot of things that taste good to me but that I can't eat because the texture is off... and if I am thinking about it too much then ANYthing will make me gag. And finally, when I'm driving, I can't put my seat belt on until AFTER I've started actually accelerating in a forward motion. I can't... really...
9. Should that count as 8-12? No? Yes? Oh well... I saw someones blog had a personality test: which "happy bunny" are you... I took it... not so happy apparently. Oh well... I'll take it again another day.
10. I still can't believe I haven't told you my secret yet! Want another clue? I'll tell the secret on Friday... how's that for a clue?
11. I get to go to lunch with my husband today... I'm so looking forward to Chicken Souvlaki, but mostly I'm looking forward to the chance to make my husband smile, laugh, and look at me with happiness in his eyes.
12. Today I told a client that I may need to call CPS on her. It was so hard to do... so hard to tell her that I could and that I would. I see her next week again. Oh I do NOT want to have to make that call...
13. This is my 7th TT... am I a regular? Please remember that it's de lurking week - comment, it won't hurt I promise!

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Secrets (and a hint...or two...)

2008-06-29T00:45:00.000-06:00

*whispering* Shhhhh... I have a secret, I have a secret! Not gonna tell you, not gonna tell you!

Oy! Secrets are soooo hard for me to keep. Especially if they might actually impact the people I am keeping secrets from. I so badly want to say, "Hey! Listen to this!" Not that I'd tell secrets that someone else told me, but if it's just, say, news or a decision I've made that needs some time... it's so hard.

Like when I was pregnant? Everyone knew as soon as we knew. Everyone!

Do you want a hint? I mean, I do really have a secret...it's not just a random post.

No? OH, yes? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you correctly... my speakers aren't working.

Ok, get close now cuz I'm going to whisper the hints:

1. it involves lawn service

Thats all you get for now. Any guesses? I don't know how long I can keep a secret like this! Maybe I'll post more hints later. It sort of eases the pressure of keeping the secret y'know?

Geez, that was a lame hint tho' don't you think? Maybe one more... ummm... let's see...

2. it involves a 4 day weekend

Oooh, how about that one? Cryptic eh?

What do YOU think my secret is?

UPDATE: Nope... no golfing! Blech! One more hint? I bet if you read my a few past posts, you might be able to figure it out... and THAT's the last hint for today. Secret Unveiling Soon!

Lalalalalala...I caaaaan't hear yooooo!

2008-06-23T22:04:00.000-06:00

Today I had to, again, separate my daughter and her "friend" from each other. At 15, they are not boyfriend/girlfriend, but the amount of physical touching has recently escalated from innocent sitting close to each other or jabbing/tickling each other to... a whole other thing. Though I've asked them before, jokingly and lightly, to ease up, today was.... disturbing. My husband needed a valium! After Kitty-boy (don't ask) left, I took her aside and we had the following conversation:

Me: If I have one or two puffs off a cigarette once or twice a week, can I say I am a NON-smoker?

Chick: NO! *laughing* geez, are you smoking now? (she's a smartass like that)

Me: No! Listen, if I have a few big gulps of a drink a couple times a week can I say I'm technically NOT a drinker?

Chick: NO! Like, a drink is a drink! (rolling of eyes and said with a *duh)

Me: Well, if you and Kitty-boy are ONLY holding hands or wrapping your arms around each other and laying all over each other, can I say that you ARE sexually active?

Chick: WHAT?! GOD! Mom! NOOOOO! (horrified! eyes wide, mouth agape...)

Me: ok, wait, now listen... no, seriously! Look...

and I went on to discuss that their physical contact was A) disturbing to watch and B) it blurred the line between sex and non sex and C) it blurred the line between friends and 'more than friends' and also we talked about the difficulties for boys and hormones and self control and that it may be misleading to Kitty-boy and yadda yadda yadda.

I hope I hit all the important points. I realized though that I can't get by with just teaching about sex, about the mechanics of it, and about morals, but that I have to teach the mechanics of friendships and relationships. I have to teach the difference between boys and girls and I'm not talking about p*nis and v*g*na... but about hormones and drawing lines and crossing lines and love and hope and hurt and desire... and I have to know she will make mistakes, and she will draw lines and erase lines and cross lines and love and hurt and all I can do is turn on a few lights along her path and wait nearby with a hug.

Boy, this parenting stuff is hard.

Ooof, I need a drink (not that I'm a 'drinker'...)

yeah, finally exams are done.

2008-05-20T09:06:00.000-06:00

and i'm going, "Hmm.. what shall i do now?"

[RealOne Player : Petey Pablo - Freak-a-leek]

give it an ear. i love club bangers.

fix, I checked out CSS's webbie again.

and all my assumptions are correct. confirmed.

aight. nu'in to say. peace.

feeling Dilated People.

2007-12-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

okay, so someone's whining the handphone bill is still a handful outstanding balance.

i'll keep it the bill down, provided you can have an ear operation, dad.

how ironic, not long ago dad teased me of my dirty ears.

now, he got retributed by getting deaf, err... half deaf.

and they claim i MUMBLE.

hmm..

so i have Design and Technology paper left.

the pure sciences people get extra day off. we have to come back tomorrow.

and i'm so lucky i didn't take pure humanities. huahuahua.

will be having another pool session. i will be looking forward killing hamzah off with the black ball again. and maybe straight wins?

dad: "baru habis periksa ni, nanti ada periksa BESAR(he emphasized this word).."

he meant, you just completed your exams but there'll be a BIG exam coming.

O-LEVELS he mean.

there goes the deaf guy.

[RealOne Player : Coldplay - Clocks]

reminded me of the chalet. Loved it.

Making Somebody Happy Is Never Wrong

2006-10-25T09:09:00.000-06:00

Bush does not make me happy.
Powell does not make me happy.
And certainly, Rush Limbaugh does not make me happy.

And, it is all about making Kate happy.
So, using simple geometric equations, Bush, Powell, and Limbaugh are wrong.

Police Blotter (todays top news)

2006-09-01T13:44:00.001-06:00

Police were called to the Xth block of Jingleheimer Street tonight after neighbors reported "upsetting" activity at the home of Mrs. D.

Anonymous reporters identified seeing Mrs. D of "O" Jingleheimer Street through her front window at about 4:43 pm. She appeared to be jumping up and down and waving her arms in "a wild and weird way - like, totally agressive and freaky" claimed one neighbor. "We were frightened for her children!" said another. A third told our reporters that the scene was, "ugly, just ugly!"

Police appeared and spoke to Mrs. D who appeared breathless and looked disheveled according to an unnamed officer.

Ultimately it was discovered that she had been playing Twister Moves with her young children. She was asked to either refrain, or to close her window blinds next time. Mrs. D agreed to comply. She was not cited... this time.

*the above story is completely ficticious and any references to real or fake people are entirely intentional...

Russian jokes translated to English

2006-07-30T06:10:00.000-06:00

Pooh and Piglet are on the way to get some honey carrying the balloon and the gun. Here's the plan: Winnie flies to the bees' hollow on the balloon and takes some honey, then Piglet shoots the balloon and Winnie comes back to the earth. Suddenly Winnie stumbles over a tree root and accidentally shoots Piglet right in the mouth. Teeth are out and cheeks are torn.
- What are you laughing at, stupid pig? I'm almost deaf now!

The next one isn't really mine. I saw the translation long time ago. I was really amused and the punch line carved into my mind. I couldn't find the original translation so this is my reconstruction of it.

There are Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in the boat. Winnie is rowing and Piglet is sleeping.
Winnie is tired.
Piglet is sleeping.
Winnie becomes angry.
Piglet is sleeping.
Finally, Winnie can't stand slapping Piglet with the oar.
- Uh! Ah! What? - torn out of his dreams Piglet is disoriented.
- What's the matter, pig? Can't sleep? Do some rowing then!

After some discussion we've figured out that the best punch line for worm joke would be "He's gone fishing"
Thanks to markusn

Small worm asks his mother:
- Mom, where is dad?
- He's fishing with the guys.

TO BE 6 AGAIN

2006-07-30T06:08:00.000-06:00

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, Observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked What she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still Looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, Made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags Theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... Everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he Ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression Suddenly changed.

I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass !!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

Funny Pictures

2006-04-30T13:08:00.000-06:00

See more funny pictures on http://crazyfuns.ru/